NEW SONG

I have written a new song this week. This is a change to God is Near. 

I have moved on alot in the last year. I am starting to realise more and more that each day I can start again because of Jesus. I do not have to be creating big expectations for myself as the world does of me. 

I can enjoy each day despite my problems because it's a day the Lord has made. I have the freedom to do something different and I pray even though sometimes things are tough and I do have alot of pain some days, that God has the glory in each situation. We do not know His plan but we have access to freedom and be close to Jesus because of what He did for us on the cross. 

I am greatful to Beth for her encouragement when I am writing songs. And with thanks to her for her beautiful harmonies on here. It's not perfect as a recording would be but it's just me being creative in my lessons and enjoying what I do. 

My first performance since 1999.

I would like to share with you this video. As some of you know, I have been having singing lessons for over to years now. On December 21st 2013, I did my first performance since my vocal chords were damaged in heart surgery back in 1999.
I was suffering a bit from a cold that weekend, but I was determined to get up on that stage and do my best. God has done alot with my voice. When I first tried Mamma mia, I could not even attempt 'yes I have been broken hearted' over a year ago. 
I hope you enjoy the video, that my father in law helped me put together. It was at Rugby cracketeria to raise money for charity. It was a fantastic evening and thank you to those who came and supported the evening.

You are loved.

In this day and age. Loneliness is a very common thing. And when we are lonely we tend not to feel loved and valued.

We need to know that GOD loves us with a jealous love. I love the song How He loves by Kim Walker from Jesus culture. He is Jealous for me. Oh how he loves us!!!

There have been many times I have been with lack of understanding how much God loves me. With all the events from my past, not being popular at school, struggling with health issues, going through my difficult time after my heart surgery. We all start to wonder does GOD really LOVE us???

I have come to a conclusion myself, that despite our situation, yes GOD still LOVES me. 

I might not be intelligent, I might not have a posh job or have a high status but I know what I have been through is worth a lot to God. I have learnt alot through my situation and my relationship with him is continually changing and getting stronger. The more I acknowledge HE loves me, the more I am starting to accept things for how they are. 

How do you feel when you hear people telling you GOD LOVES you? Do you still wonder why He does yet you still go through trials? My challenge to myself this lent is to acknowledge how much God does really loves me even on my lowest days. My circumstance may change but His love for me doesn't. 

Maybe you can set yourself a task or simple goal to start acknowledging God loves you even in your darkest times.

LOVE covers a multitude of sins....

There has been a verse on my mind today

'LOVE covers a multitude of sins'

I have been thinking about life and how in this day and age not many people know the real meaning of love I keep hearing many recommendations about the book called Love languages which I think might have to be a investment this year because sometimes it's more important that we love people despite peoples attitude towards us and their wrongs.

I don't know about you, but in life because we don't tend to  simply act on love every time some one treats us in the wrong way. Relationships are becoming more and more based on lies rather than truth. In this world we believe it's better to stab someone back, in the back because that is what they have done to us to make us feel better. Unfortunately this has become a spiral of behaviour in this day and age that sometimes leaves people acting in very bitter and dangerous consequences.

When we are believers, and children of God. We need to withdraw from that behaviour and turn back to scripture.

We cannot turn to scripture and just hope that God will forgive our actions because it says 'Love covers a multitude of sins' we cannot act like others because we need to build each other up and cover our behaviour and actions with love.

I have many times growing up not behaved in the right way when someone has treated me badly. I have gone out and slagged that person off like I was a teenager still at school. I am so grateful I do not work because it's worse in those situations, you want to fit in even though you know what people are saying about others is wrong. Yet we need to know that God has given us grace and for whatever reason these people behave it is not our problem and we need to let him deal with them and learn from it. 

Love is about caring for people and wanting the best for them

Love is about being patient and understanding that God has a better plan when we are treated badly

Love is about not being proud and not reacting the same way when someone else has done because they have hurt you.

As valentines day is coming up, why not sit and observe what you feel love means and how you treat people. Are you treating them the way God wants them to be treated are you building your friends/colleagues/Church family up in the way they should be. Step back from pettiness. Step back from being immature. Grow in what God wants because HE is love. And whilst yes he does forgive our sins and the slate is clean lets not get lazy hoping the scripture can cover our bad behaviour it's up to us to grow and change too. 

Being thankful can it really be that difficult?....

Sometimes in life it's hard to always be thankful.

We get tangled up in our thoughts fears and disappointments that leave us feeling resentful and bitter.

It has taken me a long time to remind myself that even though I spent all those times close to death at Great ormond street   in 1999, I do need to actually be thankful I made it through and have a better quality of life now and even a child!!!

I often found I would be dwelling on why my voice was damaged, why I suffered nerve damage and foot drop and why was it such a painful time.

Looking back though and being where I am now, it was a process to help me grow stronger I had more than a month of physiotherapy and in a way that not only helped my joints and nerve damage but it also strengthened my heart and circulation too. 

I think when we move on in our relationship with God and become more mature I think that is when we start to become more thankful for our blessings. I particularly favour the verse Phillippians 4:6
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.

It's easy to worry its easy to be anxious but God's word stands firm and we need to follow this example it displays in Philippians 4:6

In the end it's all to do with what Joyce Meyer talks alot about renewing our mind and not conforming to the patterns of this world. Yes it's easy to say and forget I wrote this post in a couple of days but as time goes on I will hope can get into a habit of being thankful, including when there is pain in the offering. 

Why not join in with me maybe if you are creative, write a poem or a song or paint a picture of how God has been good to you and how you are thankful. If you are different in other ways maybe spend some time reading scripture or taking a walk in the country side. We will start to see more things to be thankful for in a world of bitterness, anger, selfishness and nastiness. 

Instead of resolutions let God change us when He wants too.

So, Christmas has come, Christmas has gone, drinking too much, eating too much and laughing too much at my dad laughing at jokes he had downloaded from the internet doesn't seem like only a few days ago.

Even though Christmas is about spending time with family and a time of fun and relaxing, what were your thoughts for the new year?

New year is a time we start making new year resolutions but how many of us keep them? How many of us can change a certain habit or do more exercise or look out for others more?

It isn't easy to change instantly. It takes alot of perseverance and determination on your behalf if you are really serious about making changes in your life. 

We can think that next year we are going to do amazing things, but lets not forget God and lets not leave Him out of our plans, because we might get a shock when things don't turn out our way. He is a jealous God and we need to let Him make the changes in us and through our circumstances He will do that.

I haven't particularly got anything I specifically want to change next year but I am willing to let God to change me more and more and as I let Him be more in control of my destiny I know I can be secure when my plans don't go as they hoped too, because we can be confident in Him after all He is God!!!

God is there- even when you might be on your last legs.

Top photo

Intensive care June 1999.

Middle photo 

Me at age 5 the little girl with the heart condition....

Photo below 

Meeting Darlene Zscech a few weeks after I woke up from intensive care. July 1999.

 

Above photo

 Taken recently during God is near rehearsal Spring 2013

Last night at cell group I had the confidence to share about my heart operation I had 14 years ago. It is not easy to always talk about something like this because there was a lot of pain and I nearly died.

When I was 17 my health was deteriorating very quickly.  I had 'no' choice whether to have the operation looking back even though they said the counselling was to 'give' me a choice it was really a start of an action plan.

It made me realise when talking about this how many people do not have choices in life. I certainly did not have the choice whether I wanted to go to college or university the only education I was having was the education in 'life'.

It certainly was a learning curve staying in such a top hospital like Great Ormond Street hospital. I met many lovely people there when I was and conscious anyway!

Once I regained consciousness after somewhat 17 days, it became a shock to me that I had entered a 'new' life. I wondered what on earth God was doing because a few seconds of waking up I had severe pain and could not talk. My old life of singing at Church every Sunday was long gone. This was devastating for me I was not in control of my situation I had to rely on everyone to know or try and understand what I was asking them and what I needed. 

I always felt God was a long way way it's funny that when we are in situations we cannot control we feel God is not there or He is punishing us or He is far away.

None of these are true though it says in Psalm 139 that we cannot run away from God even in the depths of hell, and believe me I felt I was in hell sometimes when I was going through that difficult time in 1999. But through it all we have to stick to the scripture and believe it's truth we have to believe that things are going to work out for good and when we can't control our circumstances we need to say Lord I know it's hard but you are there and I am going to stand firm. And even when it's hard and we can't say that God still loves us with His whole heart. 

I encourage you today to look at Psalm 139. This was scripture given to me by Darlene Zschech when I met her at a conference during my poorly time in hospital - it is so relevant to this day and its good to know that God is with me even when I am facing the lowest of lows.

I have written a book about this and look forward to one day in the near future sharing with you in more depth the highs and lows of my time in Great Ormond Street.