God is there- even when you might be on your last legs.

Top photo

Intensive care June 1999.

Middle photo 

Me at age 5 the little girl with the heart condition....

Photo below 

Meeting Darlene Zscech a few weeks after I woke up from intensive care. July 1999.

 

Above photo

 Taken recently during God is near rehearsal Spring 2013

Last night at cell group I had the confidence to share about my heart operation I had 14 years ago. It is not easy to always talk about something like this because there was a lot of pain and I nearly died.

When I was 17 my health was deteriorating very quickly.  I had 'no' choice whether to have the operation looking back even though they said the counselling was to 'give' me a choice it was really a start of an action plan.

It made me realise when talking about this how many people do not have choices in life. I certainly did not have the choice whether I wanted to go to college or university the only education I was having was the education in 'life'.

It certainly was a learning curve staying in such a top hospital like Great Ormond Street hospital. I met many lovely people there when I was and conscious anyway!

Once I regained consciousness after somewhat 17 days, it became a shock to me that I had entered a 'new' life. I wondered what on earth God was doing because a few seconds of waking up I had severe pain and could not talk. My old life of singing at Church every Sunday was long gone. This was devastating for me I was not in control of my situation I had to rely on everyone to know or try and understand what I was asking them and what I needed. 

I always felt God was a long way way it's funny that when we are in situations we cannot control we feel God is not there or He is punishing us or He is far away.

None of these are true though it says in Psalm 139 that we cannot run away from God even in the depths of hell, and believe me I felt I was in hell sometimes when I was going through that difficult time in 1999. But through it all we have to stick to the scripture and believe it's truth we have to believe that things are going to work out for good and when we can't control our circumstances we need to say Lord I know it's hard but you are there and I am going to stand firm. And even when it's hard and we can't say that God still loves us with His whole heart. 

I encourage you today to look at Psalm 139. This was scripture given to me by Darlene Zschech when I met her at a conference during my poorly time in hospital - it is so relevant to this day and its good to know that God is with me even when I am facing the lowest of lows.

I have written a book about this and look forward to one day in the near future sharing with you in more depth the highs and lows of my time in Great Ormond Street.